I’m so psyched you’re here, wtf. I never get any visitors. I’m Lu-SEE-ya and it’s an absolute honour to have you stop by. By the time you get to the end of this page you’re going to think I’m so cool and you’re gonna be so right. 

My first job was a newspaper delivery girl I held from age 8 to 12. My favourite job was a floral designer for Hermès, Tiffany & Co., Prada, Van Cleef and Arpels, and IWC Schaffhausen. Somewhere in between, I helped Nordstrom’s #1 stylist hit her $8 million annual sales goal, reported on congressional hearings in D.C. for the Canadian embassy (and had the secret service help me escape a slumlord), and onboarded fintech companies for British students to intern at in Shanghai. All of this before I was 21. 

I had a three-year stint in advertising during which I worked on houshold names like McDonald’s, Ferrero, Nivea, Beiersdorf. As well as indie cannabis brands (under a non indie cannabis conglomerate), and TIFF. 

After Big Ad I got brought on as a partner in a performance marketing agency and ran the creative department. Correlation does not equal causation but after I joined it went from making less than 1 million MRR to making more than 1 million MRR. I learned what ROAS CPA ICP and different places in the funnel meant. And then I left. Because I couldn’t keep pretending to care.

All of this I did during the slivers of time when I wasn’t

-Getting my back taken in jiu jitsu
-Hitting my protein targets for my hip thrusts to show up in my jeans 
-Telling myself it’s too cold to run 
-Telling myself it’s too hot to run
-Starting and abandoning like four books by Nietzche at this point
-Writing about the thoughts going in and out of my head and the dicks going in and out of me 
-Being generally insufferable about food 
-Being generally insufferable in general 
-Being a huge inconvenience to my friends around the world when I show up at their doorsteps with the suitcase I just lived out of for the past 2 months. The second time this year. 
-Telling myself that I’m going to “learn music theory and start making music soon” 
-Being too pussy to go down blacks even though I’ve been snowboarding for over a decade 
-Riding horses unsafely
-Going surfing at Tofino like once every 3 years and claiming that “I love surfing!!”  
-Taking photos of people I find attractive (and, occasionally, people I actually care about)
-Generating sankharas when I’m supposed to be observing my breath and sensations
-Doing yoga and pole pretty well, actually 
-Crafting scenarios in my head about the circumstances under which I’m going to see my one-sided long distance delusionships 
-Humble bragging and giving backhanded compliments

Based in Toronto-ish. 

Talk to me. 
+1 6046009223   luciazhang981@gmail.com